Meditation Mondays

March 30, 2009

Okay, so I don’t know my chakra from my aura but I’m learning. For me, mediation is key to joy and stability. Though I am relatively new to the concepts of ego and stillness I think I have been meditating for years without knowing. Of course there was no form or structure to it but sitting still and resting my mind have helped me through many tough times. I believe that I reflexively mediate when I feel mad or scared. I suspect that becoming still was a part of helping me through The Man That Changed My Life. However the little day to day stuff is what seems to rock my world: Cinna did not do the dishes, hubby did not pay the bill, and I did not call grandma for her birthday. I live my life fluctuating from indescribable peace to a heightened state of anxiety. My poor hubby does not know what to do with moody girl, and I don’t know what to do either.

My answer to everything 5 years ago was prayer, recently I’ve added meditation to that. Thank God for books and YouTube, it is a wealth of information at your finger tips. So even though I don’t know what I’m doing yet I can read or listen to others who can teach me what I need to know. So if you could use a little more centering, peace or joy in your life visit LL&L on Monday’s and participate in Mediation Morning. You won’t regret it.


Thur 3-26-09

March 26, 2009

After going without my computer for 4 days I was so motivated to get back on track. I decided to change my template and set up 8 more blogs. It was a lot of work but I had so much fun. Technology use to intimidate me, temp me to feel stupid. I realize now that I just never had a chance to learn. Now that I have a found a passion, blogging, it motivates me to push past my fears.

I love blogging and all the possibilities that come with it. I’m very stressed about my money right now but I am grateful for it because it is driving to succeed. I’ve taken try out of my vocabulary and I am pushing towards commitment to searching for solutions to all of my problems. I’m losing weight, hubby and I are talking more, I am more creative than I have ever been and I love my life. 

People who lack passion in life are vulnerable to depression and anxiety. Passion gives you the stability of joy and the persistent courage.

3-21-09 Money Fight

March 21, 2009

When does it get easy to talk about money? My and hubby argue even when we agree when it comes to money. Now our arguing has improve by leaps and bounds: we don’t yell, we listen, we can take responsibility for our own mistakes, and we are a little better at focusing on the solution and not the problem. Still we both have different views of how to fix the problem and it is hard when we are both in a heightened since of stress.

I don’t think we acknowledge each others sacrifices and compromises enough. I know that we both make them but I feel like hubby ties to get more from me than I comfortable giving. Compromises are about 1/2 way, not you take 100 steps and I’ll take two.

Fire and Rain

March 21, 2009

My husband has been my best friend for 17 years, but we have only been together for 4 1/2 years. The love that we have for each other has been a constant work in progress, but I am so grateful that it took so long. Why? I think it gave us a chance to develop a strong friendship as our foundation.

I was not a virgin when we started dating but I felt like it. You see when we started dating I was celibate, going on 9 years. A couple years prior I’d broken up with my boyfriend before he popped the question. I love him a lot but as time went on I felt like we would make better friends than partners. I have to say that it was the best dating relationship I’ve ever had. Besides the fact that he was a good guy that cared about me, we were never physically intimate. I mean we never even kissed just hugged and held hands. It forced us to get to know each other on a personal level and to see each other’s flaws a little quicker. It forced us to talk a lot and to work through, instead of kiss through, our difficult issues.

My family thought I was crazy for having a “pure” relationship but I had convictions and no one could convince me otherwise. No except my now hubby. Back then I found myself wishing that I could just get with my best friend; I could tell him anything in the world but I knew it could never work. One problem, he did not want to wait for marriage to have sex, but I did not want to kiss until my wedding day; there was no comfortable compromise. The main sticking point was that I had never looked at my friend in that way. I believe that I shouldn’t force romantic feelings just so that I could end up with someone, even if you think they would be good for you. So for more than 1 year I tried hard not to entertain the thought of us being together.

The problem was my best friend was dating the wrong girls. He would tell me over the phone how this girl was mistreating him. Then that girl pulled her heart back. It was hard for me to hear because I knew he deserved a good woman in his life and I was starting to wonder if he would ever find her. The more I wanted the best for him and tried to advice him, the more he started pulling away from me. He stopped …

Want to read more. Check it out on the new site LL&L

Does Trust Equal Love?

March 19, 2009

I think that I have learned a lot about trust throughout the years and when I am mindful I make really good decisions about trust and how it’s defined. The problem is that I have been hurt a lot in the past so I don’t feel like I shouldn’t trust anybody. Still I associate trust with love, how can you love someone you don’t trust. That is my real problem, when someone I love has proven time and time again that they are not trustworthy I want to ignore that and not set boundaries with them. I am learning that even loved ones have to earn your trust. The most important thing that I am learning is that trust is not the blanket that means you make yourself vulnerable in all areas of your life for this person to just do what they will. I trust my dad with money and my private info but I feel no need to give him all my passwords to my accounts. I trust that my husband is faithful and that he loves me like no man ever has, but I am learning that it is okay not trust blindly trust him to make all the finance decisions for the family. I thought trust meant that you allow someone to lead you, but I realize those thoughts have kept me depressed and repressed. I can trust people that have proven themselves to me in each area and still not share everything with them because still it’s my life and I don’t own everything to anybody but God.

Wed 3-18-09

March 18, 2009

I did not get much done today, I feel exhausted.  This morning I tried to write but my mind would not work so after 5 hours of fighting it I just decided to take a nap.  I woke up 3 hours later and had trouble shaking myself awake.

I’ve decided when I am too tired to write than I just make it my tech day. You would think that doing something that is not your fortay would require more alertness, but for some reason being sleepy helps.  I guess I’m too tired to wrorry thet I am doing something wwrong or beat myself by thinking that I can’t do something, I’m more persistant.  So I figured how to upload a new template, not I have to figure out how not to loss all my little widgets and such.

My chest has been hurting all day. trying my best to hide it from hubby but I don’t knwo waht to do.  You may think yous hould just go to the hosipatl but I can not take on any more debt and I just feel like I have to manifest wellnes with laws of attraction. The funny thing is I actually believe that it will work.