Sex Is Great, But It Isn’t Everything

March 20, 2009

My husband has been my best friend for 17 years, but we have only been together for 4 1/2 years. The love that we have for each other has been a constant work in progress, but I am so grateful that it took so long. Why? I think it gave us a chance to develop a strong friendship as our foundation.

I was not a virgin when we started dating but I felt like it. You see when we started dating I was celibate, going on 9 years. A couple years prior I’d broken up with my boyfriend before he popped the question. I love him a lot but as time went on I felt like we would make better friends than partners. I have to say that it was the best dating relationship I’ve ever had. Besides the fact that he was a good guy that cared about me, we were never physically intimate. I mean we never even kissed just hugged and held hands. It forced us to get to know each other on a personal level and to see each other’s flaws a little quicker. It forced us to talk a lot and to work through, instead of kiss through, our difficult issues.

My family thought I was crazy for having a “pure” relationship but I had convictions and no one could convince me otherwise. No except my now hubby. Back then I found myself wishing that I could just get with my best friend; I could tell him anything in the world but I knew it could never work. One problem, he did not want to wait for marriage to have sex, but I did not want to kiss until my wedding day; there was no comfortable compromise. The main sticking point was that I had never looked at my friend in that way. I believe that I shouldn’t force romantic feelings just so that I could end up with someone, even if you think they would be good for you. So for more than 1 year I tried hard not to entertain the thought of us being together.

The problem was my best friend was dating the wrong girls. He would tell me over the phone how this girl was mistreating him. Then that girl pulled her heart back. It was hard for me to hear because I knew he deserved a good woman in his life and I was starting to wonder if he would ever find her. The more I wanted the best for him and tried to advice him, the more he started pulling away from me. He stopped …

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