A Little LL&L Disappointment.

September 12, 2008

Originally uploaded by loepie

I am a little disappointed today. I want LL&L to be a place where people can feel safe to open up and find people who are in the similar circumstances in there life. Originally I was going to use my name and keep this blog very impersonal, but I felt that my heart pulled me in another direction.I am having a hard time balancing my desire to want to tell everything with my reflex to shut up and not talk about anything of significant. I guessed that their were probably a lot of people who feel like me, desperate to get it all out and find a place where people won’t misjudge or take advantage of them, that is what I want for Love Lust and Life.

The disappointment came yesterday when I received a comment that I did not anticipate. Just one sentence,”I bet it felt real good.” I assume it was regarding the losing my virginity post. I shared my concern with my husband; I’m worried that people who just want to talk about sex, or people who fantasize about hurting kids will be attracted to my site. He was shocked by my surprised and said you must have know that you would attract a lot of people with a title that included the word lust in it. He assured me that I don’t have to change what I’m doing and that their are precautions I can take if I decide to.

Such is my life. I am a person that has experienced a lot but can still be naive. I thought that I would take a while to build up any viewership, but that magically everyone that came to the site would be gentle, and loving and would all have pure intentions. Then I had another thought. I realize that I am judging the person who left the comment. I don’t know that person or their intentions. I don’t know their age or level of interest in sex. I know that their are people out there that like sex, and that’s why there are people are out there. As someone who like sex herself I don’t want to jump to the conclusion; that person did focus on the wrong part of the story, but maybe that was my fault. My desire for people to learn their own lesson has me writing more details than morals. My intention was for people to learn from my mistakes and understand the consequences of bad decisions.

So I’ve decided that I will remain Love Lust and Life. I will still display the detailed story of my life for people to learn from and connect with. Regarding my sex life, I will leave out most details and focus on the moral of the story. I learn by making mistakes, so please forgive me. And I apologize to anyone I might have offended. I am responsible for not taking this very important matter into consideration and should have thought things out. Further more I want this sight to be for everybody, but I want for people to be considerate of each other and to take others people feelings and welfare into account. I don’t know how I am going to accomplish that yet but I am open to suggestions.

Hard Times

September 6, 2008


I used to be scared of thunderstorms. I can remember being about nine years old and visualizing a lighting strike, and our house instantly engulfed in flames. When it stormed at night, I’d sit in bed reassuring myself that my family would probably survive. One day I decided that I was not going to be scared any more. I had no clue how to accomplish that, but I believed that I owned my feelings and thoughts, they did not own me.

That was a pivotal moment for me. I was always intrigued by the power of emotions versus the inner strength. Up until then my feelings and thoughts came and went as they pleased; I’d never wondered whether or not I had some say in those moments. Lucky for me I naturally emote and think in the middle bell curve, rarely the extremes. Before I could feel and hear my heart pound after each rattle of thunder, now I found myself in awe of the beauty that God orchestrated. Instead of hiding and hoping for the best, I was drenched with exhilaration and appreciation. 
I’ve had other moments like that where I felt uncomfortable with an emotion or noticed an inappropriate thought and decided to exchange it with feeling good and constructive thoughts Strenght Courage and Wisdom. I did not understand then how I achieved but I think I have some insight now. The heart of each soul is mindfulness. Mindfulness comes when you can observe your thoughts and feelings without identifying with them. Mindfulness is the source of peace, courage and wisdom and the path of success.

I’ve had a wonderful life; I even suspect that some would consider me a little sheltered. However there was some sadness, some scares and some stumbles only the way. Hard times is not intended to be a pity party but a powerful exchange: sharing losses that others can relate to, letting go of the things that still haunt me, and forgiving faults. Each post in this page will be about the challenging times in my life, but I hope that you leave feeling refreshed and relived. I thank God for every victory and for every tear. I can’t imagine where I’d be without His love and his power. I this page evoke my spiritual side but I hope to reach every, no matter what your beliefs are. If a story touches you please join my social network, Love Lust and Life, and start a discussion or share your own story.